@heymarshall: Everyone is instagramming eggs today. I mean. Really. So many eggs.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I’ll never invest my money in Facebook stock, mostly because it’s the place where people I went to high school with own pretend farms.
@gregorybehrendt: Life is short so let’s waste it together here on twitter.
@UberFactsPlus: The #1 way to win an argument on the internet is say “your an idiot” to someone.
@campsucks: You haven’t faved me in a while, is everything okay?
@juliussharpe: All the good tweets have already been done. Twitter is now figure skating, with everyone doing the same tricks, then waiting for ratings.
@birbigs: Faves are not endorsements, just mini high fives.
@KevinFarzad: Make sure every selfie is worth posting. You never know which one will end up on the news if you’re kidnapped.
@mikescollins: Sending “In a Relationship with” requests to high school acquaintances.