@reneejacques: How is there not an avocado toast emoji yet
@tomsegura: If you’re offended by ANYTHING, share it with the world! We all need to know. All of your feelings are important and should be validated!
@shawnries: I hate when people double-up posts on Facebook and Instagram. You get one like. Don’t get greedy.
@jeanettehayes: Late night Twitter, oh the treats u see before they are deleted in, The morning
@DamienFahey: Everyone voted and we all agree that the underscore in your Twitter handle is the reason no one takes you seriously.
@jeffstaple: If an alien race saw us thru our IG accts, it’d look like a utopian society of perfect bodies, perfect food, perfect pets & perfect sunsets.
@jwoodham: There’s someone out there for everyone. Odds are you probably walked past them while staring at your phone though. Better luck next time!
@curlycomedy: Sorry I can’t hang. I’m too busy liking all of the photos you ever posted on Instagram.
@DannyZuker: I worry these new larger iPhone screens might set up unrealistic expectations in those to whom I send dick pics.
@juliussharpe: When people say something funny, I tell them, “Hey, don’t waste it on me. Put it on twitter, and waste it on everyone.”