@juliussharpe: When people say something funny, I tell them, “Hey, don’t waste it on me. Put it on twitter, and waste it on everyone.”
@DavidAGoodman: Aristotle would’ve been great on Twitter. Gays are so bitchy.
@lianamaeby: Hashtags are the cargo pants of the Internet.
@RobinMcCauley: My friend says being a parent is a lot of work but come on- it’s a KID not a twitter account
@kellyoxford: What if we just all start a rumor that Twitter is over so we can stop doing this.
@juliussharpe: The major flaw in Twitter’s business plan is it assumes people are interesting.
@lianamaeby: The new Twitter layout makes it look like each of us is writing a stream of really shitty, unnerving cookie fortunes.
@adamlevine: Instagram is like twitter with a shittier personality. I love it.