@campsucks: I wish every interaction on earth could work like Uber.
@ERINJEEN: I only get along with passionate people
@UberFacts: Couples who live together before engagement have higher divorce rates than those who wait.
@tinatbh: Marry someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
@GaryJanetti: Sometimes I just want to have a quiet dinner with my phone.
@charstarlene: FYI the worst thing you could ever say when you couldn’t possibly get it is “I get it”
@amyodell: Watching the Emmys red carpet and wondering what Blue Ivy is doing right now.
@SarahKSilverman: Fun fact: dummies use the word “proceeded” a lot when telling stories about how they were wronged
@kevinseccia: When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?