@RobinMcCauley: Cinnabon flavored vodka combines my two favorite things- vodka and depression.
@ikebarinholtz: “Selfie” (2015) PG-13 Jayden Smith has to find the girl that photobombed his selfie on prom night before his rival Skrillex does
@SamGrittner: MISSED CONNECTION: I was at Toyotathon. You were at Lobsterfest.
@DearAnyone: If you don’t go to your prom with a celebrity you’re a loser.
@SarahKSilverman: It’s Not Easy being Green only/always makes me cry when Kermit sings it
@AlbertBrooks: Amazon offering employees 5k to quit. I got hired this morning and quit at noon. This is a good deal.
@juliussharpe: The tinier the dog, the crazier the lady.
@campsucks: What should I wear to never go to Coachella?
@JimGaffigan: Any advice on how to get that “Let it go” song out of my head? I’ve tried the garlic and ginger already.